None of my games collect or publish any personal information for any reason. They also do not collect any non-personal usage statistics and nothing about you is stored anywhere.

The only reason the Windows Store games need access to the internet is to display the ads which help support the program. Any information Microsoft collects as part of this process falls under the terms of their privacy policy and is never, ever, shared with me. If you want to check out Microsoft’s privacy practices, you can look here.

Slinko, specifically, also requires access Xbox Live, which gives you a nice big warning about how the game can access your GamerTag and friends list and all other kinds of nonsense. Slinko loads and displays your Gamertag, but does not access friends list or any other information. Slinko does not require you to sign into Xbox Live, but the option to do so was forced upon me in order to publish the game to the Xbox One.

I understand that in this day and age almost all software collects some form of information such as your IP address, operating system version or obscure sexual fantasies. I know each and every one of you gets a warm and fuzzy feeling inside when some faceless corporation stores gigabytes of data on every mundane aspect of your existence.

The knowledge that somewhere in the world, most likely buried underground in a large room with perfect temperature and humidity controls, is a solid state drive that contains your entire browsing history as well as statistics on how much margarine you buy each month is enough to allow most human beings to sleep soundly at night.

We all yearn to believe our lives are important enough for somebody else to keep track of or meaningful enough that somewhere out there is someone who wants to steal them away from us. I apologize if my lack of doing so causes you to feel unwanted or unloved.

The sad truth of it is, I don't care about you.

Also, for heaven's sake, switch to real butter already. Margarine is really bad for you.